walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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