plz talk dirty to me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
