I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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