guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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