i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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