So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
