he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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