do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
