I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
