3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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