I'm lost and stupid without you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well I just put wine in my tea
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
