i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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