How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm always down for nudity.
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