I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
thus making me awesome and them whores
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
