I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
