she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
