it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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