What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
