so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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