yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
