So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
