Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
