I'm going to jail i love you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You ruined the universe
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
