You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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