Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
