party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
