well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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