that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
