It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
