I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
