If i come over, it means nothing
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
