you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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