Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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