Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
zippers are such a cool invention
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
