Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
