happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
