Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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