Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
