Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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