maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
