the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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