Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry about my life...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
