So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
