You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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