I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
