My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
