I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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