His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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