I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Even my vagina gasped.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
