i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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