What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So vagazzling was a success
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
