I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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