Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize