I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
