did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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