I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize