I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
