There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
