dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it hurts more in the daytime
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
