Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
