I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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