Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dicks are not precious.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
