I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
