For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
