So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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