Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
