Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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