whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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