so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
