If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
