I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize