We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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