Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
