I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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