no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
