you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
