Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just high enough for therapy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
