But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
did you just send me my own nude
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
