Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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