wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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