I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
