anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
