I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
