Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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