And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His hands were made for my vagina.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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