i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
