I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
