matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize