Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
