I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You ruined the universe
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
