Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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