I'm jealous of your bromance
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
