you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
