When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
