..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
