I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
my poor anus
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
