Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
